Ok, so this week wasn’t too bad. I managed to stay busy without really trying, and it was nice. I didn’t have much time to think about everything, and more importantly, I didn’t experience too many reminders. The few that I did see didn’t even bother me too much, not enough to mention anyway. I wasn’t even overly bothered when my wife was showing off some cute baby clothes she got for a friend of hers daughter. Normally, when she puts energy into her friend’s kids like that, I just imagine her being that happy for our own kids, but it wasn’t bad at all this time. Like I said though, I was very busy this week with a lot on my mind and plate, so it was nice to be distracted.
I just started a class this week, and between the reading and studying, the gym, the volunteer thing I do, my jobs, the occasional hobby time, and napping to have the energy for it all, I haven’t had a lot of time to dwell on the negatives. I have started worrying about one thing though. This class and the volunteering are things I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and me doing them now is just good timing. I’m worried that she may think I’m only doing them for the distraction. That I may not actually like them, but more so that I need to take my mind off being so sad. The truth is, I love these things, and I wish I had even more time for them, although I’m not denying how much I do appreciate them for the fact that they help me focus my energy into them instead of just being bummed about life and everything we don’t have, or won’t have.
I’m taking this whole week as a lesson. Sometimes, you don’t have to TRY to forget things. Sometimes, if you just live life without forcing anything at all, you glide through smoothly and quickly. A watched life never boils, I suppose.
Keep fighting forward
Dads Without Kids 